A teacher asks Jack (as he’s taking his garbage to the trash during lunch) “Jack, will you take this for me to the garbage” as she is handing him the wrapper. His response?
He walks away.
He was genuinely not being rude, even though it came off as rude.
You asked, he answered.
I asked him later why he said no and he explained that he already had both hands full.
I explained that even when his answer is no, that there are better ways of saying it to a grown up. I also explained that when an adult “asks” you to do something, they are really just telling you to do it. It’s a subtly he doesn’t get…at all. Social cues are never easy for him.
Which is why I cannot stress it enough, try your best to mean what you say. If you are asking, then be prepared for an answer…be prepared for a “no”. You asked, he answered.
Another point is sometimes it is valuable to ask WHY he is saying no or refusing to do something…he may have a sound, logical reason for his answer. Or you may have an opportunity to modify something minor in order to make the no a very easy yes for him.
As for our days together in the classroom, there have been more good than bad. He is doing his best most days and so am I.